replacement...

I may not be replaced and you certainely aren't.
I wonder why you think that, maybe the same reason I do.
Being so far apart, it feels like even pigeons get more of your life than I do.
I'm jealous of the wind blowing softly on your face instead of me.
But you know something, I'm not going to write some heart-broken tear stained words.
I'm just going to get up, get in the car blast the music and go for a drive.
Over and out...

Not me...

This isn't me feeling the way I feel...
Jealousy has never been a part of my life.
Now it's curling up in my heart, slowly eating at it.
How is it that they get to have each other??

But you know what I'm not jealous.
I'm happy.
I hope you stay in love forever.
Keep each other safe.
Please keep him safe and keep him happy.
Never let the smile be wiped of his face.
Sing to him and hold him tight.
Fight for him with all your might.
I failed, please don't do the same.
I won't say I didn't deserve him, because I did.
But things happen.
You're a woman and you know him well.
Read between the lines and tell him that I won't break my promises.
That he WILL always be in my heart forever.
That names of daughters are in place and plans for greatness are on the way.
You wrote something that had so many single words in it.
Each and every one of them was part of us, and giggled over.

Ok that was me...

killer whales

I thought about this big dramatic post yesterday before bed, happy I had something to say...then something happened...I fell asleep
Go figure
While I was sleeping, I had a terrible experience, a lucid dream...
I was on vacation with my family and we're swimming in this beautiful blue water...
Me mom and dad dive underwater, and there's this black thing, I reach for it and it just shoots away from us, it was a killer whale...
I was so scared, I just sank to the bottom an laid there, thinking my dad will save me...
I just laid there with my arms out and waiting, no one came for me...I wanted to die...
All I could think is "If no comes for me, I'll lay here and die"
I woke up with the worst asthma attack I've had in months...
I really couldn't breethe,m it was awful...
I thought I was going to suffocate...nothing new really...

not fair

It's been forever since I've been here...
I didn't think that it was fair that I got to see what you're feeling and I get to sit in the shadows...
I am in the shadows and shadows are in me.
I feel something and everything and nothing at all.
How is this defeat fair???
It isn't
I got to the point where I was so week...
I had hit the bottom and I couldn't get up, I didn't want to.
Getting up made no sense...
The world hit me too hard and I hit back even harder..
I guess I hit so hard I broke my fist...
I'm so sorry baby...
I'm so sorry you're hurting
I'm so sorry I hurt you...
What I wouldn't do to hear you're voice, taste your tears
make you smile and swallow your fears...
I hope you can forgive me for what I am and what I've done..
I hope you don't regret out sweet precious moments together...
i hope you'll always let me keep you safe in my dreams...
I want you to know I'll love you forever
I want you to believe how much you mean to me...
I promise to keep my promises...
I promise to love you forever...and just give love to all...
I promise to smile...
I promise to worl hard and make sure I do some great building and make sure you get the first invintation...
I promise to have little Xeina, maybe she can play with your baby girl...your Xeina...our dream of Xeina...
Please forgive me...I can't stop loving you...never ever will...
Goodbye...

figure it out

i was reading a thingie and i came across this thingy
http://www.mzagyat.com/mzagyat/abrag/
will some one please figure it out
i think i'm onto something but i haven't quite got it yet

come what may

This is one of those songs I told you about...
The ones I like and save for later, because I have a feeling iI'll be needing it...

never knew i could feel like
thislike i've never seen the sky before
want to vanish inside your kiss
everyday i love you more and more
listen to my heart can you hear it sing
telling me to give you everything
seasons may change winter to spring
but i love you
until the end of time

come what may
come what may
i will love you
until my dying day


suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
it all revolves around you
and there's no mountain too high
no river too wide
sing out this song and i'll be there by your side
storm clouds may gather
and stars may collide
but i love you
until the end of time
come what may

come what may
i will love you
until my dying day

circumstance

Circumstanse circumstance circumstance...
A 19 year old works her ass of all year to maybe make the honor list in design this year, worked so hard towards her goal of becoming great, working so hard after she let herself down a year before, failing to work and just plane failing.
And the BOOOOOOM...
Hypotietis A kicks in
Bed confined waiting for the sun to rise, not to get better, screw illness, just to figure out what is to become of her project and her hard year of hard work.
I know I have so many people on my side, even the professor of the dreaded subject...
And I know everything will be fine, in my head, logically, even in my heart...
Still seems fuckin' unfair though
peace out
sighnin' off...